Sunday, August 26, 2007

How to deal with a Bridezilla

Don't let this be you!

I've met a lot of Bridezilla's. Some I never want to see again. Some were very sweet gals who just had a moment. A Zilla needs to be stopped in their tracks. She needs to solve her real or perceived problem before she's totally out of control and leaves no one standing in her wake.

Bridezilla wants everything to be perfect. No wedding is perfect, nothing is perfect. Things can and will go wrong. No one will ever notice the small details at the wedding that you believe is horribly wrong. Trust me on this, I've been in the wedding business for 30 years.

Bridezilla NEEDS to be in complete charge of every detail. It's not about the wedding, its about the marriage. If you spend all your time focusing on the wedding and not the groom, its a red flag that you are more interested in going through the process of wedding planning than being married to that man. Step back and reassess your priorities. Could it be you really don't want to get married? Or you don't want to marry him?

It's not all about you. It's also about the groom, your family and friends. Yes, its your day, but its not all about you. It's not the time to one up your friends and their weddings. Its not a time to show off and have a "better" wedding. A wedding is a ceremony and a party. Period.

How to deal with your Bridezilla:

  • Nicely let them know that you've noticed there is a problem and their behavior is making it difficult for others around her. Let them know you are there for them and you are there to help. Define the problem and set up a plan to solve the problem. Do NOT join her in a rant against a tux store, caterer, etc. Don't allow yourself to get sucked into her battles.

  • A Bridezilla needs reassurance. She may be insecure and she may feel helpless. She needs you to let her know that everything will be fine, that she made the right wedding choices and that her first impulses are correct. When she starts second guessing herself, jokingly tell her to snap out of it or you'll buy her the t shirt.

  • Offer to help her with her wedding chores. It may be just a matter of helping her get organized. My experience shows that a lot of disorganized brides are Bridezilla's because they are stressed.
  • Have a long heart to heart talk. Ask her why she is so upset and lashing out at people. You can sometimes diffuse a Bridezilla by just talking her down and reassuring her. Let her know you love her and that you support her. Sympathize with her. She may just be so stressed out that she blows up.

  • Offer to spend time with her so she can destress and get away from wedding planning. A yoga class, a walk in the park, a massage at a salon, going to a chick flick matinee, a girls night out, lunch, a day trip, shopping, etc. Rule number one, no wedding talk.

  • Speak to her fiance, but do NOT accuse her of being a Bridezilla! Let him know in a nonaccussing way that she's stressed over the wedding and hatch a plan with him to take her away from wedding planning stress. It could be something like a picnic in the park or a trip to a nearby beach.

  • As a last resort, suggest she visit her doctor and discuss her anxiety. It is abnormal to be completely stressed out 24/7. Some anxiety is normal, but when its out of control, please get your friend to talk to her doctor.
If you are wondering if YOU could be a Bridezila, take the test and find out!

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