Monday, August 13, 2007

Britney Seeks 50 truths...

Britney, Sit down darlin'...we need to talk and we need to talk NOW.

This is for your own good. You don't need to buy a book to find truths. I'm going to tell you about something called common sense.

First of all, do you have a fashion stylist? If you do, fire that person right now.

Look directly in the mirror, Brit. You look like you rolled out of a double wide after a wild weekend of moonshine and karaoke. That bag lady look doesn't suit you. And please, remove the price tags before you wear them. We know you have more money than we do and we don't really care how much you paid. None of us would be caught dead in that get up anyway.

Winter boots are not to be worn in LA in the summer. Have you ever seen
winter? You need these boots to navigate the snow. When we common sense people see someone wearing insulated boots in the summer in LA, all we can do is smack our foreheads and exclaim WTF? We all want to know: Why do you cover you lower legs when your tush is hanging out?

Daisy duke shorts only work in your home state.

Stop dressing like a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog model. Geeze we all know you have a great body. Why dress like a madame when you can afford to look sexy AND classy?

We know you are wearing hair extensions...but the hat? Are you having a Sinatra moment? Why not take out the extensions, punk out your hair and look like a rocker instead of looking like someone who needs a hair style intervention?

We've taken the liberty to print up t shirts that say "Kevin has the kids tonight." We won't have to wonder if some nanny is taking care of the kids while you schlep around LA trying to get photographed by the paparazzi. Or when you are out until dawn dancing in some club. If you have the tee on letting us know the kids are OK, we'll all sleep better. We're here to help you, we've made some up for you ... just click here!

Brit, we thought of this just for you.

Kids are a gift..not a right. There are so many people who would cut off their right arm to have 2 beautiful children like yours. Stay home and take care of them. Kids grow up so fast. You can't buy back the time. Play with them, its more of a kick than having a flash bulb go off in your face or partying until sunrise.

Make up with your mom. Someday you'll understand. Your feud is so Lindsay Lohan. She may actually have something to say that is worth listening to, ya know?

We all want to believe you are a nice girl, er, young woman. We remember you on the Mickey Mouse club. Stop drinking. Get a new circle of advisers who have your best interest at heart before you blow through all your cash, your reputation and your new chance to make a living. Then...take their advice. Its not easy growing up.

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